16 January 2018

in the quiet...


you liberate me
from my own noise and my own chaos
from the chains of a lesser law
you set me free
-Audrey Assad, You Speak




I had started to feel like maybe I have this season figured out... like maybe I could be a functioning adult who works 40 hours a week, is a full-time student who also reads books and goes to social events. But the reality is, so much of it is just noise. Chaos and clutter that distract me from the silence and in that silence, my need for something more. And maybe I'm begging to be distracted because silence is hard and can be painful.

***
One morning this past fall, I pulled up to a stop light and realized I felt breathless- an alarm that went off too late, tiredness that wouldn't leave my eyes, breakfast had to be skipped because I was already late, and a lunch to pull together in five minutes.  But instead of taking advantage of this moment to still myself, I reached for my phone to check my email. A flash of beautiful color caught my eye in the rear view mirror and I realized that I was missing a glorious sunrise.

I saw the parallel. My morning was so rushed that I hadn't spent time in the Word and instead of using my time in the car to pray or worship I was filling the silence with empty things. I had been too rushed and distracted to bask in the sunrise, just as I was too rushed to bask in the Son.

It struck me that maybe, just maybe, packing lunch was less important than feeding myself spiritually. Maybe cleaning my room was less important than washing my heart in the truth of the Word. Maybe checking email was less important than talking to God.


O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
 too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
– psalm 131:1-2 -

He wants our hearts, He wants our undivided attention. And when He has it, He does marvelous things, like transforming our lives and the lives of people around us. There is a worth to this that cannot be found elsewhere.

I'm finding that silence is deliberate, silence is waiting. When I start to feel the pressures of the world bubble up and I lose sight of what has value, I'm reminded to draw away and seek out that silence rather than fill up the silence with distractions.

For me, it's an early morning at a coffee shop before work, or my own bed late at night after a long day. These are my in-between times. Morning, before a day has really begun and evening, before the last stroke has marked the period on the day. And in these in-between times I find my silence and the answer to my days questions. Jesus. He's always the answer.

I'm tired of the noise. So my theme shall be:
"In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus. You can have all this world, but give me Jesus."



23 May 2016

Remnants

A collection of messy, yet beautiful things:


bracelets from Sunday, empty terrarium, my favorite May sweater, a one-tusked elephant from my Grandma, my shell/rock/coral collection all in white, empty coffee cup, ear buds, a new old book from my sister, sketchbook, trader joe's chocolate, my forest


"I'm beginning to recognize that real happiness isn't something large & looming on the horizon ahead but something small, numerous & already here. The smile of someone you love. A decent breakfast. The warm sunset. Your little everyday joys all lined up in a row." -- BEAU TAPLIN

02 May 2016

Hello May




Okay Spring, I'm smitten.